I Needed to Re-build a Relationship With This Five-letter Word, Do You?

January 17, 2017 Self-work

An inquiry I’ve had for some time now:

“Where did I learn that I couldn’t trust myself? And how can I not only re-build that relationship with myself, but make it as rock solid as possible?”

While I don’t need to go into the many examples, places, and spaces, the amount of ways in which the world told me I couldn’t be trusted is incredible. Since I assumed that other people were smarter than I was (with zero discernment as to who these people were or what they actually knew about things), I believed the world.

We like to put people on pedestals, name them “experts” and “authorities” and follow all their teachings. That can be super useful sometimes for sure, especially when you’re new to something. Its not useful when we’re learning and growing, yet continually still asking other people what they think before asking ourselves. Especially if these people are not living any examples of the things they’re giving advice about. And the problem with putting people on pedestals is that not only do they stay up there, but it means that then we stay down here.

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For me, not trusting myself has shown up like this:

Procrastination, avoidance, over-thinking, second-guessing, replaying a past scenario over and over, future-tripping and imagining the (usually negative) possible outcomes of things that haven’t actually happened, quadruple-checking things, attempting to control outcomes, self-judgement, self-criticism, and making myself feel guilty to name a few.

Every time I am in the mix of one of those things, it usually means I’m not trusting. Not trusting that I know the right answer. The next step. What to say or do. Not trusting that my response or reaction was right. That when the situation gets here, I won’t be able to handle it. Making myself wrong or bad for doing something or not doing enough.

It’s not to say that those things don’t still happen, they do. I just recognize it faster, and take the necessary steps to get through it. Sometimes this looks like self-talk. Sometimes it’s hitting send and walking away to go do something else. Sometimes this means asking questions for clarification or asking for help.

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It’s a current favorite practice of mine to read self-improvement books and find places where I can underline sections and write in large letters “NOT TRUE” in the margin on the side. Although something might be true for someone else, it’s a beautiful choice I get to make as to whether or not it’s true for me.

Trust is the opposite of control.

TRUST is the OPPOSITE OF CONTROL.

Which means every time you’re trying to control something, someone, or some outcome, you’re not trusting.

Even writing that feels stressful.

Want to know what feels better?

Ease. Grace. Divine support and Divine timing. Harmony. Allowing. Flow. Letting go.

Trusting.

Because you’ve got this. You know the next step. You know the right answer. 

People might not like it. You might not make any friends from it. You might not even like it. We’re good at lying to ourselves so we don’t have to look at the big scary truths that we don’t want to face.

But you know what the truth is. What your truths are, about yourself and what’s true for you in the world.

Ask yourself first.

And trust the answer.