Why I Am Not Nice
I said something to my mom last night, which I hadn’t realized was true until I said it.
What I said to her was this:
“I am not nice.”
I was nice for many years. I think I learned to be nice in high school so that maybe other kids would like me freshmen year when I walked into a new building I had to spend all day in where I only knew two people. But I am not nice anymore.
Nice is I will help you with anything and I have no boundaries.
Nice is I’m over-giving and not taking care of myself for the sake of you.
Nice is trying to manage other people’s emotions so that they feel better about something I’m doing or saying.
Nice is staying until 10:30 when I wanted to leave at 8.
Nice is saying yes when you want to say no.
I am very kind. I’m giving and generous and if you’re in my sphere and I care about you I will absolutely help and support you with whatever I can if I can. But I also know how to say no when it’s compromising me at any point in time. I have boundaries and I will both set and uphold them in order to take care of myself. Because when I take care of myself I always show up better for everyone else.
The best part about this is that if I’m doing anything or giving you any of my attention, that means I absolutely want to be doing that and I care about showing up for you. If I’m spending time with you, it’s because I want to be. Otherwise I would have just said no. AND, if I say no, it’s almost always not personal and has nothing to do with you, more likely it’s me managing my time and energy.
No longer do I say yes when I want to say no. Instead I say no, with so much love and gratitude for whatever the request is. Thank you so much for thinking of me, but I’m a no for this.
There are lots and lots of things that I am.
Nice is not one of them.